I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
