hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
