I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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