DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
