We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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