he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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