well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
