I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
