And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That accounts for only three of the penises
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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