It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
