now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
