so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
