im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
