I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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