hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
