i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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