found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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