He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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