i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
