You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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