Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
