Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
