I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
