there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
