I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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