This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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