it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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