She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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