K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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