So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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