I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
