haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
