i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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