Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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