Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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