Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
