I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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