this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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