I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
