the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
