Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
