I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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