That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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