Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
