JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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