I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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