I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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