none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
