I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
