when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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