There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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